For Charlotte, Daniel, Olivia, Josephine, Ana, Dylan, Madeleine, Catherine, Chase, Jesse, James, Grace, Emilie, Jack, Noah, Caroline, Jessica, Avielle, Benjamin, and Allison

When I started this blog, I really planned to write once a day, but “radio silence” has suited me better over the last couple of days, because I’ve been preoccupied with the deaths of twenty little babies in Connecticut.

To be honest, when I first saw the headline it didn’t register with me.  I thought it was about a past event and flipped on by.  Then my husband called me and I looked again.  It wasn’t an event from the past.  It was an event that had just occurred.  I saw a few Facebook posts but refused to turn on the television until the next day.  Something about that first few hours of programming, when no one knows what has happened and there’s lots of bad information and confusion…I can never handle that.

By Saturday I was ready to watch, and I watched in tears as the Medical Examiner spoke, his years of experience in dealing with death and tragedy evident in his eyes and demeanor, but also, something there stirring within him that THIS was different.  That was my impression, and it shook me.

I knew that once the names were released, things would go from dismal to completely unbearable, seeing faces of babies now gone on to be with God, hearing parents discuss their grief, reading a list of names that would never be called in class again.

And then there was the talk of why…why did this happen?  It’s guns.  It’s poor mental healthcare.  It’s lack of religion, lack of morals, lack of something…

I don’t think it’s any of those things on their own.  I think it’s a combination of things and a perfect storm happened and this evil was allowed to occur.

Gun control in this country is something that needs to be evaluated.  Very few would argue that our country’s gun laws are perfect and flawless.  They are not.

And clearly, our country has long ago turned away from what we should be doing – honoring God, serving God, living our lives to please God.  This act, however, had nothing – NOTHING – to do with the sinfulness of this country.  There is a faction of people out there who will and who do say differently, and those people are sorely incorrect.

From what little I have gathered, the person who committed this horrible act was very troubled in addition to being autistic.  It is my understanding that his mother had tried to get him help.  I have not had personal experience in this area, but I have many friends who have, and sometimes that help is not easy to come by.  And sometimes the help that is received falls very short of the need.  Is that what happened here?  It is not my place to say because I don’t have the facts.  If our system failed this person, failed to recognize what he was capable of, then shame on us.

I don’t know what the answer is.  Better gun control is a part of it.  More resources towards mental health issues in this country and less stigma attached to those issues is a part of it.  Loving our children fiercely every second we have on this Earth together is a part of it.

My heart breaks for the babies who died, for the teachers and administrators who bravely lost their lives in an attempt to protect those babies, for the shooter’s mother who I must believe fought and fought to help her son.

Twenty sweet little babies, just gone.  Gone.

May their deaths not be in vain.

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